Gratitude Unlocks A Miracle

Gratitude is what moves us from the mire. When driving down the highway of life, having gratitude can make the difference between navigating life on a bike trail or a paved superhighway. I had a whole history of “poor me” and, after my divorce, I had more than my share of troubles. Divorced and trying to get a job in a recession was very depressing. I couldn’t even get a job in fast food. I was overqualified. I lived with my father and 450.00 a month alimony. It was not ideal for someone who was in their thirties, educated and had been out on their own since they were sixteen years old. Yet, there I was. Self pity was overflowing. After a good lecture from my dearest friend with the help of the Holy Spirit, I began my gratitude list. It was really simple. The home I lived in was older and needed work but it had a sunroom. I had always wanted a sunroom. I began to utilize it. I gave it a good clean and looked for found items to furnish and decorate. A friend of mine sent me some cash to get curtains at the discount store. My sister loaned me a small tv and pretty soon it was my favorite place to have coffee. Note: that the gratitude gave me energy to clean and the act of cleaning and being thankful netted me curtains.

I was grateful that I had my dad, even though at times we were at odds. Our life philosophies did not mesh. That was a great training ground, as I again learned to shut my mouth. It was not my house and I had to respect that fact. I was just thankful that I had a home to live in even though it could get very tense at times.

Dad had gotten a stair stepper. It wasn’t in use, so I put it in my room. Whenever I got angry or frustrated I would get on the stepper. I then graduated to long walks around the neighborhood. I was still working on a degree and I had dad’s encouragement. I could put that on my gratitude list. I had internet, I had a desk , laptop and encouragement. As the months flew by I was able to get my first car that was truly mine and it was paid for. I paid $850.00 and owed nothing. Now, I was no longer dependent on someone else for transportation. My friend owned a restaurant and I ate for working tables for a few hours. Being at the restaurant and hanging out with my friend gave me the fellowship I desired, gas money and food. I really did not lack from the basics. My ex boyfriend actually, out of the blue, decided to buy me some clothes. He said I had such a giving spirit that he wanted to do something nice for me. Gratitude led me to some pretty cool adventures. I may not have been laden with money, but it gave me adventure. Once gratitude had been Gratitude cemented into my spirit, I grew quite comfortable with the single life. I occasionally dated ,but nothing serious. I was still a hot mess but, now, I had hope. Little did I know what was down the road. Gratitude was the key to unlock a powerful healing that would take place over the next seven years.

The first healing was from mental illness that I was suffering with.. I took risperdal which is a heavy duty antidepressant medication. I remember very clearly that I heard God’s voice say, “draw a calendar”, and so I did. He said he was going to step me off my medication and at the end of it, I would be healed. It took two weeks and the severe depression left. The suicidal thoughts were there from time to time, but I learned those were not me. I learned that I did not have to listen to it, so I listened to music.

The second healing was my ability to love Jesus as I thought I should. I remember, one day, listening to a video. The speaker said she began to say, “I love you TOO God” and, in doing that, she developed a greater intimacy. You see, when we say, “I love you too”, it means we are acknowledging that He does love us. We acknowledge that it was received and we share back his love. There was a chair in my room. It was a yellow velvet chair. Nothing really to look at, but quite comfortable. I would sit in the chair and throw my legs over the arms. I envisioned it was Jesus’ lap. I would talk away to Jesus as if I was talking to a friend and say I love you too God. When I said it, I would pause and practice feeling love and imagining what that really felt like. Having someone to love you without taking it back. My love receiver was broken.

Sometimes when someone was nice to me, I would fear it would be snatched away from me and it physically hurt on the inside. But, one day, God began to respond and I found myself really in love with Jesus and my Papa God. I began living by his words and movement. I was happy with me, Jesus and my small car. I told God, “I love you and from now on it is just me, you and this car.” “We shall have adventures and go where life takes us”. “I am quite happy if I never marry again”. Little did I know my life would take another turn. Fire would meet gas and a whole other dimension of living would open. But that is for another blog post. For right now, as simple and contrite as it seems, continuing to write down and be thankful for even the smallest of things, every day on a sustained basis, opens doors. This small thing guards your heart and your mouth from speaking death. When you have begun to be grateful, you will know the instant you speak death to your circumstances. But, we have a wonderful Father who is forgiving. Just pray, repent and ask for it to be restored.


The Coffee House

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unspash

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