The Day the Whole World Went Crazy

Deborah Ross holding Stacia Circa 1971

I was going out on medical leave and was pretty much asleep when the World decided to close. The first few weeks of Covid 19 quarantine and world closure found me sleeping from complications from a TBI and resting from the stress of a hostile work environment that caused the complications. I did not notice the change at that point . 

Then when I returned to work it found me working from home. I know that during that time I was blessed not to be laid off  and remain thankful for it .  However I did the only thing you can do when the world around you is turned on its ear. I looked to my environment and began to take stock of things. Losing my sister Deborah just enforced to me that Family is the most important thing. My sisters and I talked more because losing one makes it only more poignant . I let the grief out. I did not have to show up for people, all my work was through email so I made myself feel .  I lost my parents to age and that carries its own grief. However I can say that it matters how a person dies because that affects how one grieves.

My beloved sister was 18 years older than I. My mom took on me and my twin brother as infants. The baby of the family was 15 at the time with Deborah being 18. My mom tells me that Cheryl who is 15 years older than me wanted a baby brother and Deborah wanted a baby sister. With my parents having nearly grown kids my two sisters were only too happy to have two more in the house . Deborah was a mom and a sister. She was my Champion. Deborah was sensitive and shy as Cheryl was bold. 

My mama was a good woman but she was critical. I realize now that is from the hardships she endured . Deborah was my shield from it.  My twin had more health issues and mama also favored boys over girls . So my sister again was my barrier and my go to.  Deborah did not finish high school. She did later return for her GED. She worked because our family was poor. She helped me and my nieces and nephews with the things that were needed. Our family helped each other. Deborah laid down her life for the care of me and many others. That was just her way. 

We could not afford lavish vacations or any vacations for that matter. So what would my sister Deborah do? She would put up the pop up camper my mom bought second hand in the back yard and get us a cheap pool . We moved into the back yard and we were on vacation.

Later on my mom bought this big glass pig and our family put all the change we found and earned and it was enough to get us to Florida with mama’s used Grand Torino Station wagon and a second hand pop up camper.  

Deborah inherited genetics that led to a heart attack before retirement age. We almost lost her a few times. She always managed to pull through. She went on social security and moved to Government housing. My husband and I never had much money and when we were called into ministry my sister gave me 100.00. That was a big gift . I did not want it yet she made me take it. Later as our finances stabled out I was able to send her money. She would never say anything but I knew and would do what I could. It felt so good to do for her , the person who gave up for me. Even though my life was not to be near her she traveled with me. With the invention of video chat and facetime I could take her anywhere. I always got cards from her on birthdays and just because she was thinking of me.. I knew without really being conscious of it that I had Deborah’s loving cocoon around me. When I came home to visit our thing was HGTV and busting up our diet plan. I would go to the store and stock up for her , with her protesting the whole time. But it was something I could do for her.  She did not think she was owed anything but I understood that she deserved the whole world if I could have given it. That is how much I love her . That is how much we all loved her. 

Finally Home Deborah Remains with Mom .Daddy and my Brother Warren on the Opposite Side. Our family is no stranger to loss.

 Oct 23,2019 Deborah Ruth Ross was killed in an auto accident. I was told at work . I hit my knees. I could not stand. It was God’s grace that I made it home. Oct 23,2019 is when my world suddenly stopped making sense. Oct 23,2019 is when for me the world suddenly went crazy. That’s all I can write for right now on the subject.  But this has a purpose. First, using what little presence I have online to honor my sister and two to let those of you out there know that behind this beautifully designed WordPress is someone who is human and just like you suffering. Someone whose life may have beautiful surroundings but is far from picture perfect. I am not a world renowned Counselor , instagram star, just a lady who is half a year away from 50 who loves people and wants to make things brighter.  Just someone who wants you to know that you are not alone . There is no special formula or pill that can fix this messy life. Just , you me and God on this journey . But the good news is I know Jesus makes beauty from Ashes . Right now for me I’m still in the Ashes season where Deborah is concerned. 


Stacia A. Martin

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